


Everything in its right place

by Twolittlesparrows



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Crush, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Pining, Smut, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, queer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:28:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24954562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twolittlesparrows/pseuds/Twolittlesparrows
Summary: Rufus Drumknott is an extremely tidy man, and Havelock desperately wants to find out what a little untidiness would do to him...--‘Why would no one notice?’ The Patrician waved a hand, watching as his lunch companion lifted his thermos of soup to his lips. ‘People tend to notice handsome young men -’Drumknott spluttered. Covering his mouth with the back of his hand, he blinked wide eyed at his lordship, ‘Excuse me, sir.’ He cleared his throat, setting the thermos down firmly on the table. Havelock pushed his glass of water over to him, his face the picture of puzzlement, ‘Did I say something wrong?’---Warning for slight mentions of past assualt- no details, and it's in relation to recovery, but warning just in case.There is a scene with a triggered panic attack in chapter two
Relationships: Rufus Drumknott/Havelock Vetinari
Comments: 16
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for slight mentions of past assualt- no details, and it's in relation to recovery, but warning just in case. 
> 
> There is a scene with a triggered panic attack in chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like my work, please consider giving me a follow on Tumblr at [Neon-Goblin-Art](https://neon-goblin-art.tumblr.com) I post fanart and updates there :D Thanks!

The world, unfortunately, is not a tidy place. No matter how organised one might be, how tirelessly one may fight against it, the universe will always be against you. It was messy. It was the dumping ground of the gods, and we are their maids. Which was something, Havelock thought as he lazily tapped his pen on the desk, that Drumknott struggled against. He was so tidy. He was tidiness personified. His suit? Always pressed. Shoes? Always polished, even if he was to be called on at three am, Vetinari knew for a fact that that man’s shoes would be unscuffed and neat beyond compare. Drumknott was always well put together, in suit and in mind. 

In front of Lord Vetinari was a folder. He flipped it open with his pen and inside he found receipts. Detailed inside in Drumknott’s small, neat hand, was his monthly purchase of paper clips, ink, folders and a fresh ream of paper. Havelock smiled. The young man didn’t take anything extra, every paper clip was accounted for. He had, once, accidentally offended his secretary by implying he took spares home. The colour that rose to his cheeks had been sweet, and extremely hard not to giggle at. But Vetinari did not laugh at him, because that fastidiousness was a prize he cherished. There was no one he trusted more than Drumknott, in so much as he could trust anyone. 

Havelock signed his name to the bottom of the page, initialing each receipt just for fun. As he waited for the ink to dry he watched as his secretary bustled about just outside the office door. Everyday at lunch time Drumknott would tidy his desk. He was a master of the mini-feather duster. Every drawer would be unpacked, dusted, and repacked. He had little labelled boxes for every piece of stationery. It was almost relaxing, watching him work. 

He wasn’t wearing his blazer. Havelock blinked, then smiled the smallest smile, watching Drumknott roll his sleeves up before giving the antechamber a sweep. They had maids here who were paid to sweep and yet Drumknott insisted on doing it himself. He was such a strange, charming man. 

‘Drumknott,’ Havelock called, closing the folder. ‘When you get a chance, can you come in here.’ 

There was a clatter as the broom fell. Havelock tried not to smile as his secretary hurried in. His sleeves were still rolled up, and a small lock of hair had fallen across his forehead – was he growing his hair out? Havelock wondered. It was fetching. 

‘Yes, sir?’ Drumknott smiled, hands clasped behind his back. His glasses glinted in the afternoon sun. Vetinari picked up the folder, holding it out to him, ‘All signed and accounted for, your stores shall be well stocked.’ 

‘Thank you, sir,’ Drumknott took the folder, and their fingers touched. Havelock held onto the folder just a split second longer than appropriate. When released, Drumknott held the folder to his chest, almost hugging it. His cheeks had flushed that pleasing pink that Havelock found so charming. He was very beautiful when flustered, Havelock thought, maybe there was something here...

‘Do you have any lunch plans, Drumknott?’ The Patrician asked, head titled to one side. His secretary hugged the folder tighter, shaking his head, ‘Only a sandwich. And a thermos of soup.’ 

‘Would you care to join me for lunch, Drumknott? I myself do not have any plans, and it’s been a quiet day. Company would be lovely.’ 

Behind those glasses, his eyes widened and were easily read. Havelock smiled when Drumknott nodded, ‘Capital. When you come back, do close the door after yourself.’ 

The door clinked shut, and Drumknott sat on the other side of the desk, half a sandwich held in both hands as he nibbled. Havelock sipped some water, tapping his foot. He was uncertain of what to say. He decidedly did not want to discuss work, he wanted to talk about...what? How fetching his secretary’s hair was? Or how sweet his eyes were? That wasn’t exactly appropriate, even when he was pretty certain the compliments would be welcomed. But there was a risk they wouldn’t - 

‘My lord?’ Drumknott’s voice broke through Havelock’s uncharacteristic anxiety, knocking him from his thoughts. 

‘Yes?’ 

‘Would...would you like the other half of my sandwich?’ Drumknott’s face twisted then, blush ripe and he tapped his foot. Perhaps we’re both out of our depth, Havelock thought. 

‘Thank you, Drumknott.’ 

‘It’s okay if you don’t! I know you don’t eat as much as others. I just thought maybe -’ 

Havelock reached across the desk, and patted his hand, ‘I appreciate the offer. And I will take you up on it.’ 

The secretary stared at their hands touching, his glasses slipping down his nose, ‘...It’s ham and lettuce...and cheese...’

‘Drumknott-’ 

‘Yes?’ He looked up expectantly, meeting Havelock’s gaze over the top of his glasses. Their hands still touched. 

Havelock felt the colour rise in his own cheeks and he cocked his head to one side, ‘Are you growing your hair out?’ 

Drumknot reached up to tuck a strand behind his ear, ‘Not on purpose, sir, I haven’t had the chance to get a trim.’ 

‘Ah. It suits you.’ 

‘Really?’ Drumknott bit his lip, smiling to himself. ‘Thank you for saying so, sir. I didn’t think anyone noticed.’ 

‘Why would no one notice?’ The Patrician waved a hand, watching as his lunch companion lifted his thermos of soup to his lips. ‘People tend to notice handsome young men -’ 

Drumknott spluttered. Covering his mouth with the back of his hand, he blinked wide eyed at his lordship, ‘Excuse me, sir.’ He cleared his throat, setting the thermos down firmly on the table. Havelock pushed his glass of water over to him, his face the picture of puzzlement, ‘Did I say something wrong?’ 

‘No sir!’ Drumknott took the water, hurriedly taking a sip. He coughed again, ‘It’s just...no one has ever said that to me before.’ 

Havelock steepled his fingers, ‘How remiss they have been, then.’ He smiled, resting his chin on his now folded hands, ‘You should be told that every day.’ 

Poor Drumknott, Havelock thought, as the flustered secretary’s ears burned hot and red. He half expected the man’s glasses to fog up. Vetinari stood, trailing his fingertips along the desk as he moved to stand in front of him, ‘Then, perhaps I should make sure to tell you.’ 

‘Per-perhaps you should...’ The young man blinked up at him with wide eyes. Then he stood as well, holding his lordship’s gaze. Drumknott wasn’t a short man, but he was shorter than Havelock. Vetinari found himself settling back against the desk, knees bent so they were more level. 

Drumknott rocked on his heels, hands now buried in his pockets. He smiled softly, then froze as Havelock reached over and removed his glasses. He folded the arms carefully, placing them on the desk. The air was heavy with expectation. Havelock felt nerves fluttering a little in his stomach, and he welcomed them. It was pleasant, feeling the room warp around them, the tingling of skin as he took Drumknott’s hand in his. 

Then, in a flash, the world spun delightfully. Drumknott closed the space between them, a tentative hand on Vetinari’s chest. And he kissed him. It was soft, and tasted like tomato soup, but Drumknott made the first move, knocking Vetinari off balance. As quickly as he had come forward, the secretary pulled back. He shook. 

‘I’m sorry! I...my lord, I don’t know what came over me-’ He ran panicked hands over his hair. Havelock took him gently by the wrists, ‘I think I know, and I would welcome the chance to do that again. If, of course, you are also willing -’ 

‘I am.’ 

It was Vetinari’s turn to close the space between them. He let go of the young man’s wrists, cupping his cheek instead. This time the kiss was firmer, eager. Drumknott rose on tiptoes to reach him, a surprising hunger rising from him. Havelock felt himself be pushed back against the desk, a shaking hand on his arm. Vetinari had the strong desire to see this tidy man undone. He ran his hand through Drumknott’s hair, purposefully trying to muss it up. He wondered what it would be like, to leave marks on his neck, how would he cope. In his minds eye, Havelock envisioned that suit on the floor, wrinkled, perhaps a splotch of ink on a sleeve cuff. Nothing was folded. Everything askew, as these increasingly brave hands explored...

When they both came up for air, the men were flushed and panting. Havelock toyed with Drumknott’s shirt collar between thumb and forefinger. Drumknott bit his bottom lip and giggled. He wrinkled his nose, turning away slightly to cover his face with his hands. His laugh was soft, musical, and filled Vetinari with the intense need to kiss him again. And again, perhaps forever, just to hear that sound from him again. 

The secretary gasped, catching sight of the clock, ‘Sir! You have a meeting with the guild leaders in ten minutes.’ 

Ah, thought Havelock, and now the world has returned and must be sorted out. 

‘I do, don’t I? Very well, could you bring me the recent files on Lord Downey, I hear he’s been getting up to mischief that has been bordering on needing Watch involvement.’  
Together they packed up their forgotten lunch, straightening out the desk. The world never stops turning, and one must try to control it as best as one can.

Drumknott stopped, hand on the door handle. He turned, pushing his glasses up, hugging his thermos of soup to his chest, ‘Perhaps, sir, you could join me for dinner?’ 

‘I would like that.’ 

After the door shut behind him, and Havelock was left alone, he touched his fingers to his lips and smiled, sinking into his chair with a little chuckle.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like my work, please consider giving me a follow on Tumblr at [Neon-Goblin-Art](https://neon-goblin-art.tumblr.com) I post fanart and updates there :D Thanks!

As it turns out, a dinner date with the ruler of the city is a terribly difficult thing to organise – even when you have a hand in his schedule. It was a full week and three days before Rufus found a suitable gap in his lordship's day. The thing was – he was nervous. He was not, on the whole, a nervous man. His life tended to be as well organised as possible, and this offered him a certain degree of confidence. And he was good at his job, dedicated, and this also added to his general lack of nervousness. He tended to understand things. Except, right now, as he stared down at the small ledger in front of him, he was doubting that.

They hadn't spoken about it. At no point in the passing week (and three days) had either himself, or Lord Vetinari, brought up the fact that they had kissed. Twice. Rufus bit the top of his pencil. Neither of them had changed their routines, they had continued to work as seamlessly as before. It just wasn't mentioned. He had begun to fear that perhaps it would never be mentioned again and they would simply get on with things. Which he could do. He wouldn't let anything jeopardize his work, and he knew that neither would his lordship. If that afternoon was a one-off moment, he could easily hold it silently inside and treasure it. But he didn't want to. What he wanted was...something else. Every time he thought about that kiss (the second one, not the first, his mind must have shut down out of fear because he barely remembered it) his stomach would tighten. His chest would close up, and he felt dizzy.

It wasn't as if he had never kissed anyone before. He wasn't that sheltered. He had had a couple of girlfriends as a teenager, and once met an interesting young man with very compelling thoughts around ring binders. But none of those experiences went beyond kissing. Well, he supposed, except that one time with – no, that didn’t count, that wasn’t something he ever wanted to relive.

He had thrown himself into his work. He never gave a thought to what the 'beyond' could entail. It hadn't been a priority in his life. Except...now, there was a little flame popping up in his mind at inconvenient times that reminded him of how long his lordship's fingers were. Or how right it felt when Vetinari took him by his wrists. And that little flame made his heart start to pound against his ribs and his palms sweat.

He had to take initiative. Rufus Drumknott put down his now mauled pencil, stood, and straightened his waistcoat. If he was going to do this, it was going to be now. He knocked politely on the door, stepping into the office.

Vetinari was, of course, at his desk. He was slouched in his chair, holding a cup of coffee in both hands. He rose one quizzical brow at his secretary before smiling. Rufus shut the door, leaning with his back against it.

'Is everything alright?' Vetinari asked, setting his cup aside.

'I want to have dinner,' Drumknott announced. He was panicking, the world was tipping in a direction he was certain would throw him into the waiting abyss.

'I see. Is something stopping you?' Havelock asked, straightening up.

'You.'

'How, exactly-'

'You're going to come with me. To dinner. We're going to dinner. Together,' Was there steam coming out of his ears? Or perhaps it was his brain Rufus could feel oozing out of his compressing skull, taking his sanity with it. 

Vetinari stood, fingertips lightly resting on the desk. He leaned forward, 'Are you telling me what to do?'

Brain ooze was replaced with an ice-cold blade of fear. Did he have a death wish? What was he doing, this was utter madness! Rufus stared at his feet. His glasses slipped down his nose, '...Apparently, sir.'

'Will I need my coat?'

Drumknott's brain shut off. He slowly sunk to the ground, knees to his chest. Silently, Lord Vetinari walked over and joined him on the floor. He stretched his long legs out, crossing them at the ankles.

'I think we need to have a conversation,' Havelock said after a moment. Drumknott just nodded, his ability to form words gone.

'As I am sure you are aware, I find you invaluable. Your work ethic is commendable, your loyalty even more so. My days would not run as smooth as they do without you,' Neither man looked at the other. Rufus kept hugging his knees while Havelock gently moved his hands through the air as he spoke. 'And I entrust to you many things that I would leave to no one else. You're one of a kind. I would like, if possible, for our work to continue as it has been these years-'

Oh, Drumknott thought, this is it, it's over before it began. And he couldn't blame his lordship, it would be impractical. And also improper, he was a servant after all.

'- but with the added bonus of exploring a more personal side to our interactions.'

Drumknott's brain whirred back into action. He looked at the Patrician with wide eyes, 'R-really?'

'Of course.'

'Oh. Good. I want that too,' Rufus relaxed, slowly stretching his legs out in front of him. 'May I apologise sir, for making demands of you? I think I lost my mind for a second there.'

Vetinari hummed, 'Yes, I think you did. But no matter. I quite liked you being bossy.' He stood with some effort, dusting off his cloak. Drumknott's cheeks and neck burned red as he bit his lip, scrambling to his feet. 'Now then,' Havelock patted his shoulder. 'What did you have in mind for dinner?'

It wasn't anything particularly special, the meal had been prepared by the kitchen staff, as nearly all Lord Vetinari's meals were. And it wasn't out of the ordinary for Drumknott to be the one to go collect it for his lordship. But they sat in the Patrician's personal suite, together, at a little table with a candle between them. 

Rufus had been in the rooms many times over the years, but that evening it felt different. Familiar, yet vivid in his eyes. The furniture was simple, functional. Maybe not cosy but fine. The room was warmed by a fire. After dinner Vetinari had poured them both a small sherry and he now sat in an armchair next to the fireplace. The cold made his joints hurt, Rufus knew, and he watched as his lordship tiredly rubbed his knee.

The firelight cast shadows over Vetinari's face, dancing on the streaks of silver hair at his temples. Even tired he was handsome. His eyes crinkled in the corners, a small scar on the corner of his mouth pulled whenever he smiled.

'Rufus? You're staring,' Havelock chuckled.

'Sorry-' Drumknott paused, then shook his head, leaning with his arm against the mantel, 'Actually, no. I'm not sorry. Of course I'm staring, this doesn't seem real.'

'Does it not?'

He shook his head, smiling weakly, 'I'm not entirely sure how to navigate all of this.' 

'From what I understand, no one ever does,' Havelock laughed. He set his glass down, beckoning to Rufus. 'Why don't you come here and see how real I can be.'

Drumknott set his glass down on the mantel and crossed the short space to stand in front of the Patrician. Vetinari took his hand tenderly, bringing it to his lips to kiss. The sensation made his entire insides melt. Rufus felt genuinely weak at the knees. It was the softness of it all. With careful calculations as to not disturb Vetinari’s bad leg, Drumknott moved to perch on the arm of the chair. 

Havelock still had his hand. He fixed Rufus with those icy blue eyes reaching up to tuck some hair behind his ear. Drumknott leaned his head to the touch, eyes half closed as he worried his lip. He needed to be bold. Now was not the time to be timid. 

With a shaking hand he touched Vetinari’s cheek. He trailed his fingertips along the plane of his cheekbone, following the dip and curve to his jaw. Gods, he was so handsome. Vetinari had straightened up in the chair, wrapping an arm around the small of Drumknott’s back. Then he leaned in, pressing his lips to Rufus’ neck. 

Drumknott’s head tipped back. His whole body felt like it was being set on fire, and the point of ignition was where a hungry mouth traced along his throat. Teeth grazed his skin and he gasped. He tangled one hand in Vetinari’s hair, the other gripping the back of the armchair. 

His collar loosened. Rufus was vaguely aware his tie had been undone and now lay uselessly around his neck. He was at a disadvantage. He had to hold on to the armchair, which only gave him one free hand. Lord Vetinari however, while also only having one free hand as his other arm was wrapped around Drumknott’s waist, was much more talented with this. Buttons had been undone. Rufus felt the wave of warm air from the fire on his collarbone, followed closely by his lordship’s tongue. Drumknott tightened his hand in Vetinari’s hair. The Patrician made a delightfully gruff growl at the back of his throat. He pulled back, held Rufus by the back of the neck. They locked eyes for a split second before Vetinari kissed him. Open mouthed and hard. 

It was almost bruising, the force with which they kissed. Drumknott couldn’t help but moan. He arched his back, gasping as cold fingers slipped under his shirt to drag along the soft skin of his back. He squirmed, pushing himself forward, now sitting almost entirely on Vetinari’s lap. When had he untucked his shirt? This man was far too nimble. Drumknott was very under-skilled. His heart beat ferociously, nearly to the point of pain. His breathing was shuddering, and his stomach felt tight. He tried to push it away, focusing on the puffs and groans that followed Vetinari’s exploration of his throat and chest. 

Rufus shuddered, his glasses toppling off his nose and bouncing off onto the floor. With one sense now dulled, his others picked up the slack. He might not be able to see what his lordship was doing, but he felt every wandering finger tip. It felt good – if only his heart would stop pounding. Gods, it was really starting to hurt – there was a brush of warm air, and a soft hand pressed flat on his abdomen. 

Drumknott froze. There was a flash in his head, something deep within went ping. A split second image of what he had tried desperately to forget sparked behind his eyes. The touch, there, it felt the same when—His whole body stiffened. He drifted, head swirling, like he was lifting out of his body. 

‘Rufus?’ Vetinari’s voice sounded far away and dampened as if by fog. ‘Are you okay?’ 

‘...No,’ he squeaked. This wasn’t just nerves. Nerves would be normal, this was something else. ‘I...I can’t breathe-’ He struggled to his feet. ‘I’m sorry, I’m ruining everything.’ 

‘No, not at all-’ 

‘I have! I’ve ruined it. It’s done. I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe?’ It was like his whole chest had imploded. Every breath was a struggle, every nerve in his body was screaming. He barely noticed when Havelock stood, ‘Rufus, not that I want to decide for you what it is you’re feeling, but I believe you’re having a panic attack.’ 

‘Really? Are you sure? Because I think I’m dying!’ Drumknott shook his hands as he paced, sucking in gulps of air. Tears stung his eyes. With hurried, fumbling hands he buttoned his shirt, hastily tucking it in. He struggled with his tie. With uncooperative fingers getting in the way of each other his attempts kept failing. 

‘Fuck!’ He ripped it off, throwing it aside. He kneaded his eyes with the heels of his palms. ‘I’m sorry.’ 

‘You’re not dying,’ Vetinari’s voice was level. Calm. ‘Do you think you’d be okay with me taking your hand? I think it would be best if you sat down. You can rest in my room.’

Drumknott nodded. Tenderly, Vetinari held his hand and led him to the bedroom. It was cold in there. The rush of cool air was a jolt to his system, knocking some of the adrenaline out. He was guided to the bed. They sat side by side. His breathing was beginning to level out, and the blind panic was replaced with embarrassment.

Tears fell. He watched them with an odd detachment as they hit his knees. Oh, he thought, I forgot my glasses in the other room. Then he was wrapped in warmth. A blanket was draped around his shoulders, and something was stroking his hair – no, someone. He turned, blinking at the shadowy shape of Lord Vetinari. 

‘I’m so sorry-’ 

‘You don’t need to be,’ Havelock wrapped his arm around him, drawing him near. They both shifted back on the bed. Rufus curled his legs up under himself. He blushed when his lordship held him close, letting Drumknott rest his head against his chest. 

In the silence Rufus listened to his heart beat. 

‘That’s never happened to me before,’ he whispered after a moment. He toyed with the edge of the blanket, pulling on a loose thread. 

‘It can happen to anyone. You shouldn’t feel bad about it.’ 

‘Has it ever happened to you?’ 

The question hung in the air for a second before Havelock quietly said, ‘Yes.’ 

Silence enveloped them again. Rufus listened to Vetinari’s heart, the sound of his breathing. He closed his eyes. 

‘Did I overstep?’ Havelock asked. ‘I apologise if I pushed you too far -’ 

‘No,’ Drumknott sat up. He turned, sitting so he now faced the Patrician. ‘You didn’t. Honestly. I was enjoying what we were doing. I just...when you touched me...here,’ he gestured weakly to his abdomen, ‘I don’t know why but it reminded me of something, of someone who...’ Words ran out. The shaking was starting again. 

‘You don’t have to talk about it,’ Vetinari said, taking both his hands. ‘At some point, it may be helpful. You don’t have to right now. There is no time limit. We, have no time limit,’ Havelock held his cheek, voice a soft whisper, 'I want nothing more than what you are willing to give.’ 

Drumknott kissed him. This kiss was timid and salty from his tears. He placed his hands on Vetinari’s shoulders, feeling the soft fabric of his robe. The Patrician’s arms wrapped around him, and together they lay back on the bed. He noted that Vetinari was keeping his hands firmly on his back, not wandering as they were before. And while he noticed that with a pang of embarrassment, what he mostly felt was safe. 

‘Thank you,’ He whispered, tracing a fingertip along the underside of Havelock’s jaw. 

Vetinari gave a small chuckle, ‘Get some rest. I need to plan our courtship.’ 

‘Courtship?’ Drumknott blinked, then giggled. He snorted softly, covering his mouth with his hand. 

‘Why are you laughing, is that not what we’re doing?’ 

Rufus couldn’t stop giggling. He rolled onto his back, eyes shut. Vetinari grunted as he shifted, propping himself up on an elbow. He frowned down at Drumknott, ‘Why are you laughing? Stop that.’ 

‘Am I being wooed, sir?’ He giggled, blinking up at the shadowy figure above him. 

‘You won’t be if you keep that up,’ Havelock huffed, but relaxed, laying so they were chest to chest. Drumknott stroked back Vetinari’s hair and sighed, ‘What will your courtshipping involve?’ 

‘I’m not going to say -’ 

‘Because you don’t know?’ 

‘Because you’re being a weasel,’ Havelock laughed. And the sound of it made Drumknott nearly swoon. He hummed happily, then kicked off his shoes, settling down on the bed. With Vetinari’s arm around him, he curled on his side, and went to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....So, I did NOT mean to leave this as long as I did. Apologies for the wait!!!

Oh dear, thought Lord Vetinari, as his feet flew into the air and the world whizzed past, this is embarrassing. He landed in a bush beside the icy path he had previously been walking. His cane clattered on the stones. Winter had settled into the city. Snow covered most of the ground – and was currently melting into the underside of Lord Vetinari. He went to sit up. Then stopped. Pain radiated violently from his hip. He fell back with a grunt. Shit.

Eyes closed against the weak morning sun; he took stock of himself. The bulk of the pain came from his hip, something pointy – no doubt a rock - was jammed into his lower back, and his knees ached. The wetness about him was almost entirely from the melting frost, but he couldn't be certain there wasn't a little bit of his blood there. 

'What the bloody hell happened here?' Commander Sam Vimes' distinctive voice boomed through the garden. Havelock turned his head in time to watch the man stalking along the path – only to be overtaken by a scampering Drumknott carrying a briefcase. The young man shot the commander a look, hurrying to get to Havelock first. He skidded slightly before crouching down. 

'Sir!' He panted, glasses askew. The sweet man carefully helped Havelock sit up, then with the aid of the commander he was back on his ever so slightly shaky feet. 

'Anything hurt?' Vimes asked. 

'Just my pride,' Vetinari sighed. 

'Well, pride heals faster than bone, so you should be alright,' He coughed awkwardly as Drumknott fussed, hurriedly picking up the cane. 

'Indeed. Apologies for being late, Commander. Shall we have that meeting now?' 

The Patrician and the commander of the city watch walked through the rest of the garden with Drumknott close behind. Ever thankful, Vetinari did not fall over again and after Vimes finished grumbling his way through their conversation and left, he and Drumknott made their way back up to the offices. 

His leg shook. Halfway up the stairs Vetinari stopped, leaning on the railing. He sucked in a breath through his teeth, cleared his throat and continued. 

'Do you want me to call for a physician?' Rufus asked in a small voice. 

Havelock shook his head, not turning around, 'There's no need, Drumknott. But thank you.' 

‘Shall I clear your schedule?’ 

‘Whatever for?’ 

Havelock heard the small huff before Rufus spoke again, ‘So you can rest.’ 

‘Your concern is noted, but again, there is no need,’ He pushed open the door to his office, and sat heavily in his chair. The movement sent a hard jolt of pain up through his lower back and hip. Drumknott fell into the familiar pattern of tidying papers and files that did not need to be tidied. He was pink around the ears, his eyebrows notched. 

They worked the erst of the day in relative silence. After a meeting with one of his agents, and Drumknott was fussing with some paper on the Patrician’s desk, Havelock took his hand. They didn’t speak, but when he squeezed his hand, Rufus smiled, and nodded. He whispered a soft, ‘I know,’ before returning to his work. 

Time stretched on. Soon, the evening drew out shadows, and the city shifted from day to night. Though the streets did not grow any quieter. 

Drumknott was reading. He sat curled on a plush velvet armchair, legs tucked underneath himself. His smart suit jacket hung from the back of the chair – leaving him in a white button shirt, tweed waistcoat, his immaculately pressed trousers and thick wool socks (his shining shoes were neatly placed under said armchair).

Havelock found the sight increasingly distracting. Paperwork lay strewn across his desk, woefully unattended. He drank his coffee, leaning back in his chair and simply watched. The man must have come upon a particularly engaging passage of his novel as he now shifted forward, curled over the book on his knee. One hand was at his mouth, his thumb ever so slightly between his teeth. 

He was beautiful. Vetinari filled with the desire to walk right up to him, run his hands through his hair and kiss him. He wanted to be between those teeth. But there was paperwork, and he was dutiful first, excitable second. 

As he signed and read and made small notes in the margins, Havelock found himself at peace. As genuinely at peace as he ever got. And it had everything to do with the man intently reading. He brought a level of warmth and softness to Havelock's day that he was growing to rely on. Almost crave. In fact, he did crave the surreptitious way Drumknott would touch his hand, leaving his skin tingling, or how he'd lean in a little closer than was required, his cologne near intoxicating. And this was during their official work hours. As soon as the clock ticked over, Drumknott would kiss his hair when he brought Vetinari coffee or dinner. He'd whisper gossip and tell jokes. And he delightfully did not do as he was told. When he was no longer the dutiful secretary, Rufus became a bit of a shit. 

Havelock was in love with him. He set his pen down and watched Drumknott once more. He had fallen for him quicker than anticipated, and while it did worry him, the feeling was something he cherished. In the few nights they had slept together – actually slept, they both wanted to take things slow – Havelock was in bliss. The hours of quiet with Rufus curled beside him, sometimes with his head on Vetinari's chest, made him so truly happy he found himself nearly laughing out loud. 

With all his sins, Havelock did not expect to have someone to love. Not fully, and truly. He had wondered in his early years if he should marry. But a wife would open up more questions about him and his being. His best kept secret would be in jeopardy. Everyone would talk about why they couldn’t have kids. And if they had acquired a child of their own, that same child could open the city up to a dynastic rule, and that was a slippery slope he was not in favour of - 

'Is there a reason you're staring at me?' 

Vetinari blinked his way back to the real world. Rufus was watching him with a raised brow, book folded open on his knee. He gave Vetinari a bemused smile, his glasses perched on the end of his nose. Gods, he really was too beautiful for his own good, Havelock thought. Then another thought pushed its way to the front and cruelly whispered: you have to tell him before it's too late. Give him an out before it gets too hard.

He stood, smoothing down the front of his robe, 'How rude of me, Rufus. I was lost in thought.' Leaning on his cane he picked his way over to the young man, taking up the seat opposite. 

Rufus smiled, 'Am I to be privy to those thoughts, or are they private?' 

Havelock drummed his fingers on the chair arm. He took a deep breath, 'They have led me to a decision.'

'Oh?' Drumknott placed a scrap of paper to mark his place, shutting the book. He set it aside, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. 

'There is something I want to tell you, and it is something I haven't told any other soul-' He paused, 'Well, my aunt knew. But that's it.' 

Drumknott pushed his glasses up his nose. 'Whatever you need, Havelock, I'm here for you.' He smiled then, brows notched with worry and Havelock couldn't stop himself. He leaned forward, kissing him softly. 

'Thank you,' He whispered, settling back. 'Now. As I'm sure you know, I came to the city as a young boy with the help of my aunt and joined the Assassins guild. What no one else knows is that before I arrived, I was...well I...' He faltered, throat tightening. 'I wasn't like the other boys there. For the first part of my life I wasn't...seen as the boy I felt I was. Quite the opposite in fact. At first it was done because the guild wasn't accepting girls-' he tripped over the word, as if it had got stuck in his throat. He carried on, '- in their ranks then, and I required that particular education. But as time went on, I found I was much more suited to that life. I much preferred being seen as a man-' 

'Because you are a man,' Drumknott said. 

Havelock paused, head to one side, '...Yes. Just checking, Drumknott, you do understand what it is I am telling you?' 

The young man stood, fussing with his waistcoat, 'I do.' He leaned in, hands on the arms of the chair, his face level with Vetinari's, 'I understand.’ He pressed a kiss to Havelock's forehead. 'Thank you for trusting me.' 

Havelock blinked at him, 'That doesn't change how you think of me?' 

'Why would it?' 

'I...' Havelock shook his head, laughing softly. 'I didn't know if you would be okay...with that fact about me. That perhaps I wasn't who you thought.' 

Rufus clicked his tongue, 'Well that was uncharacteristically foolish of you.' He sat on the arm of the chair, running a hand through Vetinari's hair. 'I care about you, Havelock. Who you are as a person, how you make me feel. How smart you are, how dashing. That's what matters to me. Dwarves have all sorts of interesting ideas about gender presentation, who says they get to have it all to themselves?' He smiled, cupping Havelock's cheek, 'Look, you're the man you say you are. Anyone who says otherwise can hang -'

'- I love you.' The words tumbled out before he could catch himself. Vetinari sucked in a sharp breath. He was out of his depth and drowning. Rufus pulled back and stared.

'You what? Are you serious?' 

'Deadly.' 

Drumknott laughed – a small spluttering sound as he covered his mouth with his hand. With wild eyes he took Havelock's hands, and kissed his knuckles. 'Fucking hell,' He grinned, 'I didn't expect that!' 

His smile could have lit the world. It certainly radiated through Vetinari's and chased every shadow. This man was the sun. With a tender, shaking hand Havelock touched Drumknott's cheek. 'You're so beautiful,' He whispered, pulling him in for a kiss. 'So beautiful.' 

Drumknott's sigh against his lips was the sweetest thing he'd ever known. Rufus climbed onto his lap, a hand on his neck, the other holding tight to his wrist. Havelock was pinned by him and loved every second. Waves of warmth shot through his body. He'd never had this level of hunger for someone, this deep craving. Every sigh, every gasp and touch were like magic and left him reeling. Dizzying. Drumknott was dizzying, and Vetinari would let himself be overpowered. 

He tentatively placed his hand on Drumknott's hip, keeping the touch light. When they both came up for air Rufus trailed a finger over Havelock's lips, and whispered, 'I love you.' 

'Darling...' Vetinari sighed shakily, filled with so much longing it near ached. 

'It's getting late,' He whispered, slipping off his lap, 'Perhaps we should turn in?' 

Hand in hand they walked to his bedroom. Havelock sat on the bed and began unlacing his shoes. Drumknott opened a drawer, his drawer, and pulled out his bed clothes. Then he stopped, and looked at Vetinari with an odd expression. 

‘Are you alright, there?’ Havelock asked. 

Rufus looked towards the bathroom with a sigh, ‘I’m...Yes, I am fine. I’m just thinking.’ 

‘Am I to be privy to these thoughts?’ Havelock asked with a small smile. Rufus laughed, ‘Yes.’ He kissed his cheek, ‘I’m going to have a shower.’ 

Havelock got changed to the sound of running water. He quickly switched from his robes to his sleeping shirt. One of the bonus of being as thin as him was that he had never needed to wear a binder. Billowy robes could hide a multitude of sins. He climbed into bed, wincing as his bad leg twinged. The water switched off and after a moment Drumknott came back in. Without a shirt. 

Vetinari’s throat dried up. His damp hair clung in whorls on his neck and forehead, his pyjama bottoms sitting low on his hips. He was a thin man, but in the flickering candle light he could see the shift of muscle and skin. There was a dusting of hair on his chest. Rufus neatly folded his clothes and placed them on the dresser.

Rufus looked up and caught his eye. Blush bloomed on his cheeks and he shrugged one shoulder as if trying to hide behind it, ‘You’re staring again.’ 

‘I’m not sorry,’ Havelock said softly. ‘I haven’t seen so much of you before.’ 

‘You haven’t,’ He said with a small smile. ‘I...thought maybe you should...see more of me.’ 

Vetinari smiled, holding out a hand, ‘You’re being brave.’ 

With a charming chuckle, Drumknott ran his hand through his wet hair, climbing onto the bed. ‘I am. But so are you,’ He whispered, laying down on his front, chin resting on his folded arms. ‘Do you approve?’ 

‘Very much,’ Havelock purred, stroking the backs of his fingers down his arm. The young man wrinkled his nose sweetly, giggling. 

Rolling onto his side, Vetinari watched as a bead of water ran down the side of Drumknott’s check. He reached over, gently wiping it away with his thumb. He stopped, hand hovering so close he could feel the warmth of his skin. ‘I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable,’ he whispered. ‘Is it okay to touch you?’ 

By way of answering, Drumknott pressed his cheek against his hand, turning to kiss his palm so gentle it near tickled. When he spoke again, his voice was the softest whisper, ‘You can touch me.’ 

Havelock shifted closer, kissing him softly. The kiss was almost chaste, both timid but full of want. He reached around, stroking his fingers down Drumknott’s spine. He stopped before reaching his lower back. He didn’t want to push it. This was a gift, and he wanted to cherish it. 

Rufus shivered, lips parting with a soft, ‘Oh.’ He pressed closer to Havelock, a hand on his slim waist, fingers bunching in his nightshirt. 

Every hitch of his breath, the feel of his soft skin, the scent of shampoo in his hair, filled Havelock’s senses till he felt almost drunk on him. He lost track of time, enveloped wholly by his companion. They lay together, bodies close, kisses soft and tender, hands gently touching skin. 

He was happy. Beyond happy. This softness was intoxicating. Havelock didn’t care if this was to be the extent of their physical connection, it was perfect. If Drumknott only ever chose to allow him to touch his body like this and no further, then he’s count himself lucky. The amount of trust he had given him was astounding. 

Drumknott broke the kiss, pressing his forehead to Havelock’s, ‘You’re so good.’ 

Havelock chuckled, stroking his cheek with the backs of his fingers, ‘You are the only one to say so.’ 

‘I’m serious,’ he sighed, jokingly poking his shoulder. ‘I...I haven’t...ever, really, trusted someone enough to...uh-’ 

‘Shh,’ Havelock kissed him softly. ‘I understand. Thank you. For trusting me. You’re beautiful, Rufus.’ 

The young man blinked, blushing. He burrowed into the pillows, laughing breathlessly, ‘I’ve never felt this good.’ 

‘Then I shall do my best to make sure you feel this as much as possible. Now,’ He settled beside him, popping a kiss to his shoulder, ‘Get some rest.’ 

‘....I love you.’  
Havelock rolled onto his back, hands folded over his stomach. He smiled into the dark, ‘And I you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like my work, please consider giving me a follow on Tumblr at [Neon-Goblin-Art](https://neon-goblin-art.tumblr.com) I post fanart and updates there :D Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

Brisk wind made Drumknott's ears sting. He pulled the edges of his coat tighter around himself, trying to see through the fogging of his glasses.

Around him the markets bustled. He peered at a stall of flowers and tutted. This was silly. He didn't even know why he was here. Neither he, or his lordship were particularly romantic souls, and yet he had awoken with an intense desire to purchase a gift. Having snuck out of the palace before sunrise, he scoured the early morning market for something. Anything, that seemed appropriate. But there was nothing.

An endlessly practical man, Vetinari would not enjoy the knickknacks and just...stuff people peddled here. Rufus had pondered a handmade journal, but second guessed himself so much he left the stall in a fit of pique without purchasing a thing.

It was while walking through the crowds and deriding himself that he came across the flowers. 

With every colour imaginable, the flowers stood out in the cold, grey mists. The reds really caught his eye. As did the oranges, and surprisingly vivid blues. But near the back, off to one side was something that really caught his attention. A rose, so deeply purple it was almost black. There was only one. 

That was it.

Rufus paid for it, even sparing an extra couple of coins to have the stem wrapped in paper and a plain piece of brown string. He tucked it into his coat, and hurried back to the palace.

Lord Vetinari was already up and about, he had been at his desk when Rufus left, sipping his coffee and picking at a pastry. They had fallen into the habit of staying quite close in the evenings. Drumknott even having his own drawer tucked away in his lordship's private suite. He still had his own flat, and would stay there some nights a week - half to avoid anyone noticing their closeness, but also to give himself time to breathe.

He was drowning in the best possible way. Even when he was home, laying in his small room, all he thought about was Havelock. When he was alone, he could still feel the trace of fingertips on his shoulders, the press of lips to his temple. His heart would ache continuously until he was back in the office. He'd never felt this kind of longing before. Literal lovesickness.

Vimes was in the office when Drumknott returned. Standing beside him was Captain Angua. The formidable pair barely looked at him as he sidled in. No one ever paid him much mind. He was unremarkable and quiet. Aspects that made him so invaluable to his lordship -

Angua glanced his way. Face an impassive mask, Drumknott barely returned the look, instead acting as if a series of files on the side table were of far more importance than whatever the commander was being scolded for.

But he noticed her quick glance to the Patrician, ears growing pink as she stood to attention. What a curious reaction -

Oh no.

Oh shit.

Drumknott fought to keep his heart rate down. He wondered how much she could tell. If those werewolf ears heard his heart pounding, if she could smell them on each other. Could she smell the damn rose? With a shaking hand he pretended to write notes. Surely it wouldn't be strange for them to smell like each other? His heart thundered. Anxiety made his throat close up. 

A polite cough brought him back into his body. He looked up. The watchmen had left, and Havelock sat on the edge of his desk, one brow raised.

'You're awfully pale,' he said simply.

'Well, I uh...' Drumknott frowned, 'I think...there is a chance, Captain Angua may have noticed...something...about us.'

Lord Vetinari looked to the now closed door, arms folded, 'Oh, I have no doubt. She's very perceptive, even without that nose. Have you had breakfast?'

Rufus blinked. He wrung his shaking hands, and shook his head, 'No. I haven't.'

'Oh? I had thought that was why you snuck out so early.'

'...No,' He said softly. 'You're not...worried?'

Havelock titled his head, 'About the Captain? No. Not at all. She knows the benefits of keeping things...close to the chest. I highly doubt any trouble will come from that.'

'Oh. Right,' Rufus gave a small nod.

Havelock limped over to him, hand firm on the side table to steady himself, 'If you weren't out to get breakfast, why were you out so early?'

Biting his lip, Drumknott carefully pulled out the rose from his coat, 'To get you this.'

Vetinari looked from the rose, to him, then back again. His cheeks pinked ever so slightly. Long, pale fingers took the flower from Drumknott's outstretched hand. The smallest smile on his lips, the patrician sniffed the flower, 'What a surprise.'

Drumknott blushed, shifting from foot to foot, 'I just...saw it and thought of you -'

The kiss knocked him off balance.

He stunbled back, throwing a hand out. He gasped. The hungrily returned it. Havelock snaked an arm around his lower back, pulling him flush against his body. He shrugged off his coat, barely breaking contact with Vetinari. He was on fire. Stomach coiled, he broke the kiss, rising on tiptoe to suck on his neck. The hum he got was like music to his ears.

Vetinari set the rose down, clinging to Drumknott's upper arm. He leaned more to one side, weight shifted away from his bad leg, the smallest shake in his body. Rufus pulled back, taking his hand, 'Come on.'

He led him to the armchair, sitting down. With a nervous smile, Drumknott guided Havelock to sit on his lap. He willed his heart to stop thumping against his ribs, his chest aching. Without thinking, he rubbed Havelock's thigh, trying to ease the pain.

They locked eyes.

Rufus flushed red, pulling his hand away, 'Oh, I'm sorry-'

Havelock gently took his wrist, bringing his hand back to rest on his thigh, 'You have nothing to be sorry for.'

Out of his depth, Rufus gazed up into his eyes, worrying his bottom lip. Havelock's thumb recused his lip from his teeth, running the pad over his skin.

'I take it you liked your gift, then,' He whispered with a soft chuckle.

'Very much so,' Havelock whispered back. He was stroking his hair, touch light. He twirled a strand between two fingers, the sensation sending a ripple of tingles over Drumknott's scalp. 'What a kind man you are,' Havelock whispered, leaning in to kiss his forehead.

Wrapping his arms around his waist, Drumknott hugged him. He sighed, eyes half closed, 'Have I mentioned how much this means to me?'

Havelock kept playing with his hair, 'You've alluded to it.'

'Well...it does,' He said weakly. 'It means a lot. I um...well, I haven't been with many people before, you see. And I appreciate your...understanding.'

'Of course.'

'Um...The thing is...I don't want you to think I'm not interested...in things progressing...um...physically, should that be something you are also interested in,' He looked up.

Havelock was staring at a point on a far wall, smiling softly to himself. It was an expression Drumknott had seen a hundred times before, usually during negations with guild leaders.

'It is something I am interested in exploring,' Lord Vetinari said carefully, shifting to cross his legs while still perched primly on Drumknott's lap.

Rufus swallowed. Then snorted. Nose wrinkling, eyes closed, he laughed. It bubbled up, making him shake. He covered his mouth with his hand, 'S-sorry!' He snorted again.

Two hands cupped his cheeks, angling his face upwards. Havelock kissed him, muffling his uncontrollable giggles.

'What's going on in that head of yours?' He asked softly, stroking Drumknott's cheeks.

He waved a hand, 'I don't know! I'm so happy, yet also feel like I'm two steps away from just sobbing all over you.' He blushed, picking at Havelock's sleeve, 'Perhaps I'm going mad.'

Vetinari kissed him, 'Then madness suits you.'

He shifted, carefully slipping from Drumknott's lap. He looked at the clock with a small smile, 'I think we can continue to steal some time together.' Havelock took his hand, leading him away from the office and into his private suite.

Somehow, he was both nervous and completely at ease. He didn't understand how those two feelings could coexist. How was he both shaking with nerves, and yet this was the only place he wanted to be with the only person he wanted to be with? He was so lucky. To be witness to this great man in his most intimate moments. To be welcome to touch him, kiss him, love him in a way that no one else could know or even understand.

He was on the sofa, lost in thought as Havelock gently pushed him backwards. His glasses fogged with their mingled breath. He closed his eyes, Havelock's mouth on his throat. He hummed softly, one arm above his head, fingers in his own hair -

Teeth grazed his skin. Rufus gasped, moaning despite himself. He flushed red, ready to apologise, when Havelock pressed closer, a hand on his hip. His kisses were dizzying. Drumknott found himself completely unable to form coherent thoughts. He gasped and whined, glasses askew.

The attention stopped. Havelock's nimble fingers fiddled with the top button of his waistcoat. He couldn't see his expression. Fumbling with his glasses, Drumknott blinked up at the man currently poised above him.

'May I take this off?' Havelock asked.

Drumknott nodded with a soft, 'Yes.'

Cool hands opened his waistcoat, ghosting along his ribs. Nerves bubbled in his gut, that old fear sparking in his blood.

I'm safe, he thought, taking a deep breath as Havelock seemed mesmerised by the rise and fall of his chest, his fingers stroking down the line of buttons of his shirt. He won't do anything I don't like. I'm safe. I want this.

Even though his hands shook, Drumknott slowly undid the buttons of his shirt. He watched as those cold, ice blue eyes hungrily followed his journey down his body. Havelock's small smile made it hard to breathe. He was so handsome, and intensely engaged with every movement Rufus made.

But Drumknott didn't feel pressure to perform for his gaze. He wanted to be seen. Truly seen by him. Havelock kissed his expose chest with such tenderness, he had to bit his lip to keep from making a sound. His lips trailed down his sternum to his stomach. Rufus stroked his fingers along the nape of Vetinari's neck, up into his short hair. 

Havelock's hand was on the bare skin of his hip. He arched upwards, pressing himself closer as he kissed back up. Chest to throat to lips. He was completely lost. Stomach tight, body singing, it dawned on him that this was to be their moment - 

'Vetinari? I want a word with you!' Lord Downey's boorish voice boomed from the office. Havelock hissed, breaking the kiss. He pressed his forehead to Drumknott's with a whispered, 'Fucker.' 

He rose, carefully getting to his feet. 'I'm sorry, Rufus,' He said softly, running a quick hand through his messy hair. 

'What if I kill him?' Drumknott said, sitting up. He hastily went to do up his shirt, but Havelock stopped him. With a hard kiss, hands cupping his cheeks, Vetinari stopped him, 'Wait. Please, I'll be back. I'll deal with him. Have a drink.' He smiled then, smoothing out his impeccable robes, 'You need to stay here anyway. I can't have you killing him. Not yet, anyway.' 

With a wink, Havelock left the room. Drumknott deflated, slouching in the chair. He plucked at his waistcoat, then groaned, running his hands through his hair. Gods be damned, this was getting complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like my work, please consider giving me a follow on Tumblr at [Neon-Goblin-Art](https://neon-goblin-art.tumblr.com) I post fanart and updates there :D Thanks!


End file.
